Food for reflection and reminder this week, comes from Stephen R. Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”.
The following are unedited notes from the book and Franklin Covey site.
Think Win-Win
Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparison and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing – If I win, they lose; or if they win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. We start to believe there’s only so much to go around, and if they get a big piece, there’s less for me; it’s not fair, and I’m going to do everything I can to get my share.
That kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It’s based on power and position rather than on principle. These paradigms of scarcity are worth shifting. Win-win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a higher way.
Win-win is about constantly seeking mutual benefit in all human interactions-about finding solutions that are truly beneficial and satisfying for everyone involved. To go for win-win, we not only have to be empathic, but we also have to be confident. We not only have to be considerate and sensitive, we also have to be brave. That balance between courage and consideration is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to a win-win approach to life.
Win-win requires that we be both high in courage and high in consideration, that we approach others with generosity and a sense of partnership. When we do that-when we demonstrate our investment in their interests and successfully advocate for our own needs, we build stronger, more trusting relationships.
In the long run, if it isn’t a win for both of us, we both lose. That’s why win-win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.
Character is the foundation of win-win, and everything else builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential to the win-win paradigm.
1. INTEGRITY. We’ve defined integrity as the value we place on ourselves.
2. MATURITY. Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration.
3. ABUNDANCE MENTALITY. The paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody.
Most people are deeply scripted in the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everybody else. The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life. The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.
One thing particularly helpful to win-lose people in developing a win-win character is to associate with some model or mentor who really thinks win-win.

Sources:
* Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
* Franklin Covey; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; Habit 4: Think Win-Win®
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