These are selected notes from the book, “Building Conflict Competent Teams” (Craig Runde, Tim Flanagan; 2008).

Reappraising What’s Happening

“We often think that others’ motives are worse than they actually are, and this causes us to feel threatened and get upset. Looking at the situation to find less sinister motives can dampen your emotions. This process is referred to as reframing; that is, you consider the situation from new frames of reference.
It is associated with a psychological concept called cognitive reappraisal, described by a quote from Marcus Aurelius: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Cognitive reappraisal means reinterpreting the meaning of what you see or hear. You may initially construe another person’s actions as hostile to your interests. Perhaps you think they are moving in on your turf or trying to make you look bad in front of others. Although this is certainly possible, there may be innocent reasons for their actions. Research has shown that reappraising situations can lessen emotional tension. In particular, changes in brain activity are analogous to those that occur when a person uses reflection and mindfulness techniques. When this happens, negative emotions lessen and more positive emotions emerge….

Team leaders can have a profound impact on the emotional climate of their teams. Leaders who demonstrate positive moods and effective emotional control can create a positive climate within their teams. When a leader conveys news, her tone and demeanor may have greater impact than the content of the message. The team leader plays a critical role, but all members of the team have to work together to address conflict effectively. They need to participate in developing and upholding team norms, which support and empower individual team members to step in when they see relationship conflict emerging that can harm the team. A team member who sees other teammates acting in ways that are breaching trust or contributing to destructive conflict can intercede and remind the others of the team norms for how to deal with conflict… “