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Category: Coaching (page 3 of 4)

Evolving Self – Transitioning Back

August 24, 2014 / / 8 Comments

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward….” – Lao Tzu

As I was saying good byes to friends and ex-colleagues in Finland earlier this year, many encouraged me to write about my experiences of transitioning back to India, after more than a decade of living in the U.S. and Finland.  In addition to personal experiences, some were also curious to hear more about India through the eyes of someone they could relate to.

For other readers, in a personal development context, may I suggest the self awareness question for your thinking – “What defines you?”

Considering that Finland and India are worlds apart in many respects, this transition involved big readjustments.

The early stages of moving back involved feelings of fuzziness.  It was a feeling of being in different places at the same time.  There was a mix of sadness and happiness, thinking about what would be missed and gained.  It involved letting go of personal comfort zones, habits and relationships built over the years.

There were early readjustments.  After having gotten used to the silent environment in Helsinki, even adjusting to the general noise levels was a change.  I live in a smaller city in the south of India (Trivandrum, Kerala) which is more laid back and easier to navigate compared to many other larger cities.  Life brought a difficult turning point, when my mother passed away after a month of my arrival.  Pain and challenges tend to lead to a yearning for spiritual advancement.  My efforts during previous years to understand spirituality deeper helped to focus on life from a larger wisdom and perspective.

I’ve wondered – Does wisdom find you or do you find wisdom?  What leads you or vice versa to you, certain things, people or circumstances that seem to be outside the predictable flow of things in life?

On the professional side, I had decided to move in an independent path of consulting and coaching.  This involved figuring out new ways of working.  Working from home on my own was an interesting adjustment process.  Trying to build connections in a place that I had not spend much time during the past decade was another.  In many ways, it felt like starting from scratch.  There was a sense of frustration and impatience creeping in and a need to manage that.  I traveled to Delhi and Chennai to meet with contacts and attend a national HR conference.  Those experiences were helpful to get a wider view on some cultural and professional aspects.  Some ex colleagues and friends were gracious in meeting and responding.  There were disappointments in my mind with few others – I realized it was due to my own expectations mostly of others without thinking about or knowing their perspective.  Life seems to become a lot easier and less complicated when we let go of judgment and expectation of wanting others and things to be our way.  Learning to deal with that was important personal progress.

It also gave me an impetus to write more and channel positive energy.  A high school friend who is currently working on a book and involved with the publishing world, helped create new blog page.  In around three months, there have been close to1000 unique views from 45 countries.  I am grateful for the many encouraging responses and feedback.

On the personal exercise front, after enjoying squash (learning to lose painfully 🙂 a lot before starting to win) for the last four years personally, I am yet to pick up a new game and get back to the active exercise mode.  Squash courts are hard to find.  Some of that relates to me trying to find my new enjoyable zone.

Regarding general experiences in India:

The process flows and government interfaces are improving slowly and surely for citizens.  Another positive aspect I experienced personally is meeting more grounded individuals in positions of power in the public and private spaces, who are aware of the intelligent use of power and want to make a positive change and impact.  Experiences in India can vary considerably depending on where one is located.

Readjustments also involved getting used to how things work.  Many things (public or private sector) did not seem to work smoothly and to the expected or communicated timeframes.  It also seemed to take multiple follow-ups until something got unnecessarily complicated.  Time still seems to be a flexible concept and delays are normal.  Communication styles are still mostly top down and hierarchical and the frontline staff in most places are not empowered to make changes for customers.  Small business owners say that they still can’t trust work to get done if they’re not micromanaging their staff.  Many things get completed faster depending on where, who and how the request comes.  Social status and networks plays a major role.

India continues to develop.  Infrastructure is much better but there is a long way to go before getting to world class.  The progress may be in bits and pieces.  It is encouraging to see the new central government emphasize major infrastructure development and change in attitudes and habits.  Connectivity, accessibility and ease of travel are much better.  The impact of information technology is widespread, with many process being connected to the internet.  Unlimited internet at home is not unlimited at the same speed – the access speeds reduce dramatically after a certain data transfer amount depending on the type of connection packages you take.  The cars on the roads have changed and the numbers have increased dramatically with most global car brands being present but the quality of many roads and traffic management need attention.  Maintaining the current roads without potholes seem to be a challenge.  One of my rough first hand experiences was a six hour journey in the last row of a state transport bus, which felt like sitting on a jumping ball.  There seems to be lesser queue disruption than in the past.  Public transport system is overcrowded during peak hours but provides much more options and comfort than earlier.  Mass transport systems are still few in number.  Basic utilities like energy and drinking water seem to be under stress and require a lot more planning for the future.

Some services are as good or better than anywhere in the world.  I can order a cab sitting at home, for any time of the day or night.  There are also apps now in many parts of India that even track our ordered taxi through gps, after we order.  The Delhi metro seemed as good as any other metro system in the world but the rush hour traffic may become or already is over capacity.  Global startup names like Uber seem to be building up in India quickly.  I can also book bus, train or plane tickets seamlessly using apps or through the internet anytime – this was not easy even few years back.  I could travel on the train by just showing my photo id and online ticket booking.  Most major brand names are visible on the local store shelves and everywhere .  The latest mobile devices and electronic equipments are quite visible.

Even though many things have improved tremendously, it is obvious that India is still difficult for foreigners or tourists to navigate practically on their own.

Back to my own experiences – Memories, recollections and emotions still remind me about my previous world, people and experiences.  There are still days in which I distinctly picture internally my favorite walking path around the waterfront in Helsinki.  What I miss most is my diverse conversations with my small group of friends and connections.  Physical distance results in mental distances and grabbing a coffee together is no longer an easy option.  As time passes, the distance grows.  Close friends will remain close and the reconnection will be seamless but the nature of closeness shifts when the frequency of interactions drop.  On the other side, old friends in India are still friends, but they have evolved as well and we are all in different phases.  That needs rebuilding.  Very few stay the same.

All this serves as means to deeper learning, wisdom, new paths, connections and a more evolved future.  I am learning and unlearning without letting go of the valuable knowledge and wisdom acquired.  With every new direction, life has led to unexpected new paths, people and experiences.

Feeling lost seems to be a familiar feeling before discovering myself in an evolving self.  It has led me to a place of hope, belief and confidence to progress through new experiences stronger.

To my global friends, I hope and wish our paths cross again… There is some sadness in thinking that it may not happen sometimes but glad that destiny helped cross our paths.  It may not have been total coincidence.  I am a result of my experiences.

A special ‘Thank You’ to my good friends for your inspiration and encouragement, to share my experiences.

“We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity.  Life is eternal.  We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share.  This is a precious moment.  It is a little parenthesis in eternity.”- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

 

Learning to Learn Differently – Thoughts For Students (& Teachers as well)

August 18, 2014 / / 0 Comments

There’s a huge emphasis on education and learning in many parts of the world.  People recognize the importance, tangible benefits and positive impact it could bring to one’s life, society and the future.  While the importance and acknowledgement is visible, many aspects and approaches related to learning seem to require a rethink.

In India, the value of application of education to life seems to be less important than the rank or scores in an examination.  Without doubt, exam scores do matter but everyone needs to think seriously about the value of learning to life beyond schools or university.

Earlier this June, I had shared few suggestions for primarily educators regarding employability of their students.  This post is more focused on the individual learning perspective, mainly for students but may help teachers as well.  Having been through multiple learning experiences in different levels, subjects and countries (including losing a year due to low marks in school), I thought it would be useful to share from multiple experiences.

1. Build self awareness on one’s own learning preferences and styles
Most people have different learning styles, preferences and paces.  It is important to identify one’s own learning style.  At least understanding your learning preference (visual, auditory, reading-writing, kinesthetic) can improve the experience and effectiveness.  It is also important to build self discipline into any learning process.  Similar to building physical muscles by exercising constantly, it is important to build mental muscles and focus through a disciplined process.  Without discipline and direction, it is easy to get lost in various distractions.

2. Learn something that you’re passionate about and is aligned to your strengths
A starting point of any learning process is to answer for oneself, “Why I am learning this, why is this important for me?”.  If your answer is aligned to your own interests, values and priorities, the probability of a successful learning experience is high. The only time when I personally truly enjoyed learning and did really well was when I learned something I badly wanted to, and felt very interested about.  I went much beyond the requirements of the program to learn and absorb as much as possible.  It is very unfortunate and a huge waste of your and others’  time, if you spend most of your life learning or doing something you don’t like or want to do.  Many students choose a profession because it seems glamorous from outside or due to external pressure.  I’ve heard from professors and teachers that it is very difficult for any worthwhile learning to happen if someone is unmotivated or uninterested.  If you don’t have your own specific answer, it is fine to experiment and listen to other’s (someone you respect) inputs.  Unfortunately, many parents in India force their children to streams that they absolutely don’t want to be in.

3. Reap the benefits of social learning
Learning becomes deeper and much richer when one is exposed to multiple perspectives.  Having a peer discussion group to discuss your learning topics can be valuable exposure.  Start with a common purpose for the whole team – what are we trying to achieve?  Being able to synthesize from various inputs is a highly appreciated skill in today’s world.  It helps to have positive peer pressure to keep moving forward, and work with one’s negative emotions as they creep in.  This is also a valuable way to learn to work with contradictory opinions.  Awareness of the potential of one’s ego to disrupt and to work on it early is extremely important.  Extra curricular activities like sports or arts that involves teamwork serve as great learning experiences.  Working effectively in teams, including those you disagree with or don’t like is a major requirement for any organization.

4. Use multiple sources and media
It is a huge opportunity missed in today’s world to not enrich one’s learning using multiple, available knowledge sources.  Please do not wait for the university or professors to give you content.  There so much of it available today, with a mobile device and internet connectivity.  In addition to using your faculty, laboratories, peer groups, and libraries that may be accessible locally, there’s so much content, online courses and global resources accessible through the internet today.  The opportunity to stay updated on the latest developments in any area and learn from the best sitting in any part of the world is tremendous.  Keeping industry interaction active also always gives you the employment perspective.  Try to find people in your own first or second degree network who can share their valuable first-hand experiences from workplaces – culture, ways of working, what it takes to be effective etc.

5. Make the environment attractive
Last but not least, it is important to feel good about learning.  Neuroscience studies show that the brain functions much better when it is in a ‘reward’ state, not a ‘threat’ state.  Even if learning may involve difficult work, an enjoyable collegial, fun, open physical and social environment, refreshing variety of methods used, great people around are factors that contribute to an enjoyable learning experience.  Each one of you can contribute to that in the way you turn up.

For teachers, they key question to ask is how you can play a key role in facilitating the learning process, thinking, acting and guiding students to find answers for themselves through multiple knowledge sources.  In India, we  have long held the notion that a teacher should have the answer for almost everything.  As the popular Chinese proverb tells us, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”  A good practical start would be to spend time in your class just discussing about creating an effective and impactful learning experience together.

Success comes when the students and teachers work together – with a common purpose or vision.

Deep learning involves learning beyond the prescribed boundaries by a school or university.  One feels personal growth, a sense of achievement and confidence to take on the world.

What has worked very well for you? Your input or shared experience could influence a life in a major way.

Best wishes…

I dedicate this post to my father on his death anniversary today, for allowing me to choose my own learning direction.

Feeling Stuck In The “Middle”? Life In Middle Management…

August 11, 2014 / / 2 Comments

Middle managers are a very interesting group for study in any organization.  From various conversations and experiences, I’ve observed multiple challenges and frustrations faced by this group.  They seem to hold a lot of power, influence and operational responsibility in the organization but there are frustrations from different directions.

Many experts in recent years have called for a radical rethink of how organizations are structured, doing away with traditional corporate hierarchies and suggest that middle management is not helping and holding organizations back.  Some have even advocated doing away with middle management.  During many reorganizations or restructuring programs in organizations, ‘delayering’ the organization is one of the top principles adopted.

There have been discussions on “Is It Time To Abolish Middle Management?”, “Are Middle Managers Becoming Obsolete?”, and “The End of Middle Managers”.  In India, there have been concerns about creation of a mid-level that don’t possess the required competencies because of lack of experience, improper skill-building and almost negligible grooming by seniors.  A 2014 report by the Australian Institute of Management indicated that middle managers are underperforming and organizations have promoted technical specialists to middle management ranks without investing sufficiently in developing the leadership and management skills.  An Accenture post earlier this year stated that If IT has displaced middle managers in the information flow, digital obliterates the hierarchy they call home.  According to them, there is a silent crisis in most organizations – too many administrators and not enough real managers.  In short, middle managers are in the limelight and their activities and value to organizations are under the microscope.

A 2010 Boston Consulting Group & World Federation of People Management Associations paper reported that middle managers are critical to improving overall employee engagement and corporate performance.  They act as a bridge between top managers and team members.  Though they see the vision at the top of the organization and the pain at the bottom, they frequently do not have the support of senior management or effective levers to do their jobs and provide assistance to their employees.

Who are middle managers?
A logical way of defining middle managers is to identify the group between senior and front-line managers in the organisational hierarchy.  Middleness can have several dimensions: middle of a command hierarchy; middle in terms of time-scale and scope of decision between strategic and routine supervision; middle in terms of organizational impact.

How could we address some of these issues, at the individual and organizational level?

At the organizational level:

The BCG/WFPM study advocated:

  •  Delayering the organization and creating larger exciting roles for middle managers, in order to remove the barriers that frustrate them and encourage initiative.
  • Empowering managers to act by giving them levers and authority to succeed, but making sure they understand what is required of them.
  • Accelerating leadership skill development.

Managing time and priorities are normally the most difficult aspects for this group.  As a result of round the clock operational and team responsibilities, they find very little time for their own development which holds valuable impact for their stakeholders.

Becoming a middle manager often involves a significant shift in mindset from personal achievement to gauging success based on the accomplishments of a team (Refer recent post on “Transitions“).  Experts have suggested that the biggest leadership training impact may come from blending experiential on-the-job learning, coaching and feedback with formal classroom training.  This group could benefit a lot from coaching and mentoring – due to the thinking space that is normally hard to come by due to constant operational pressures, multiple topics that they may feel insecure or uncertain to discuss with their leaders and high stress in juggling multiple responsibilities professionally and personally.  The need for active dialogue, support and empowerment from senior leadership is high.  Senior leaders can also help build clarity in expectations.  HR teams can also play a key role in facilitating development and communication channels.

Mastering the art and science of managing talent needs to include a combination of multiple structured learning/development modes and cycles.  One may say this is not rocket science.  I heard a rocket scientist remark recently that rocket science was easier compared to managing people.  It is extremely important to not underestimate this aspect.

At the individual level:

If you’re a middle manager, you have to take the responsibility for your own development and success.

In between all these discussions of streamlining, restructuring and even doing away with middle managers, it is quite obvious that middle managers hold the potential to add a lot of value to organizations.  Even Google found with the help of analytics that middle managers do matter.

What could be some development targets, irrespective of the organization or technical nature of one’s role?

It is advisable to start working on developing one’s own leadership skills, mindset and behaviors in the early stages, utilizing multiple avenues.  The earlier one can build self awareness and emotional intelligence capabilities, the better.  The journey to leadership maturity has to start early (Check out References- video of Dr. Dave Ulrich defining the Leadership Code).  Getting selected to a leadership position would be excellent but an unprepared and immature leader can create a lot of damage to his or her reputation, an organization, careers and lives of many capable individuals.

The BCG/WFPM paper states that middle managers must be effective communicators, implementors and trust builders.  They will focus on outcomes, not overmanaging.  Middle managers need to be able to understand the corporate vision and strategy.  They must know how to develop and motivate their staff.  Related skills that seem to stand out are communication skills, ability to build trust, credibility, empowerment, execution/implementation, high performing teams and organizations.

Lynn Isabella, an associate professor at the University of Virginia Darden School of Business writes that the role of translator is a new leadership paradigm for middle managers. Being a translator means being an interpreter.  A huge advantage of being a middle manager is access to those in the organizational trenches.  They need to speak the language of top management as well as that of others lower down in the company. They need to understand strategic thinking and the language of finance, accounting, marketing, operations and human resources.

Periodic conversations with individuals from various backgrounds and different stakeholders will help a lot.  How many middle managers do we normally see so busy and caught up with their work, that they have no time for any conversation outside their own delivery? Building a diverse network could also result in a healthy support group.

According to Accenture, a middle manager of the future will know how the company wins at a conceptual and customer level. Making money is one thing, knowing how and why you make money gives you the ability to make even more. There will be recognition regarding the difference between critical and commodity capabilities.

Prioritizing and right judgment/decision making become very important skills to develop.  Middle managers play an important role in developing future talent, leadership and in determining the quality of the work environment through their behaviors and practices.  How would you want to feel during most of your time awake in life – at work with your colleagues or stakeholders?

It may also be a time in the career when comfort zones may look very attractive and there is a reluctance to take on risks or different assignments.  In today’s changing world, if you are not taking on challenges of different nature and complexity levels, the risk of becoming a ‘sitting duck’ for future reorganization/restructuring efforts is high.  Worse still, would be to look back and think where or how my uneventful last ten years of life went?

The writing on the wall seems to be clear.  There will be fewer middle managers in the future and they will have more challenging requirements, competencies and responsibilities.  Some organizations may experiment successfully with none, which may depend on factors like size, scope, type of work, industry etc.

Hopefully, reading this will trigger ideas on focus areas for your development as a middle manager.

I wish you meaningful growth and success.

References:

  • The contingent role of management and leadership development for middle managers, Patrick McGurk, London School of Economics – http://etheses.lse.ac.uk/277/1/McGurk_The%20contingent%20role%20of%20.pdf
  • Is It Time To Abolish Middle Management? – http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201403/is-it-time-abolish-middle-management
  • Are Middle Managers Becoming Obsolete? – http://business.financialpost.com/2014/03/09/are-middle-managers-becoming-obsolete/?__federated=1
  • The End of Middle Managers – http://www.forbes.com/sites/davidkwilliams/2012/07/10/the-end-of-middle-managers-and-why-theyll-never-be-missed/
  • How the middle management became India Inc’s biggest headache…. – http://articles.economictimes.indiatimes.com/2013-04-12/news/38464091_1_ms-unnikrishnan-skill-gap-india-inc
  • Middle Managers – Evaluating Australia’s Biggest Management Resource – http://www.aim.com.au/sites/default/files/AIM_MiddleManagementSurveyReport.pdf
  • Creating A New Deal For Middle Managers – BCG/WFPMA – http://www.bcgindia.com/documents/file52425.pdf
  • Redefining middle management in a digital world – http://www.accenture.com/us-en/blogs/digital-business/archive/2014/02/11/redefining-middle-management-digital-world.aspx
  • 5 Ways To Save Your Middle Managers From Burnout – http://www.fastcompany.com/3028674/leadership-now/5-ways-to-save-your-middle-managers-from-burnout
  • The Happiness Machine – How Google Became Such A Great Place To Work – http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2013/01/google_people_operations_the_secrets_of_the_world_s_most_scientific_human.single.html
  • Video – Dave Ulrich – Defining the Leadership Code – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC6p9yXdOjE
  • For Middle Managers, The Power Is In Translation – http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/for-middle-managers-the-power-is-in-translation/2014/01/10/53bde1b6-610b-11e3-bf45-61f69f54fc5f_story.html

 

Personal Resilience in Tough Times – Finding One’s Way Back

June 16, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Dedicated to my mother, Aleyamma Eapen.
I started thinking about writing on this topic as my mother passed away last week.

According to ‘Merriam-Webster’, ‘resilience‘ can be defined as the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.

Everyone inevitably goes through difficult personal scenarios at some point in life. These may include passing away of or losing dear ones, losing  jobs or security, personal relationships, illness or disease and unforeseen disappointments. They may also  result in instances where one questions and tries to find the meaning of one’s existence and life.  A whole host of issues and challenges seem to emerge in these situations. Sometimes, people around can act in ways that could be surprising, confusing and disappointing. One may encounter loneliness, lack of social support and various other social and personal challenges.

How can we build personal resilience?

Most times, we go along happily with our lives until one of these scenarios hits us badly and takes us by surprise. Even though we may not be able to prevent some things from happening, it helps to be aware and also respectful of others going through similar stages in life. A bit of empathy and support can go a long way and also helps with the recovery process for the person involved.

Every individual has her or his own way of coping with challenges, pain and finding the way back. Solutions may be unique and relevant to one’s own preferences. That said, it does help to learn and understand tried and tested methods of finding a way back to normalcy.  In tough times, it is not easy to think with a clear head.

I wanted to share few actions that I found helpful. If you have experienced some of these, please do share for the benefit of others around. There may be more people around than you think, working through life challenges.

  1. When everything around seems to whirl out of control, it helps to find one’s space of calm and peaceful reflection through prayers, meditation, breathing exercises and focus on one’s core belief systems. Having a spiritual belief system helped me find meaning and peace in difficulty. It’s still important to acknowledge that there will be an up and down process.
  2. For those going through the loss of a dear one, allowing for grieving time and finding the path towards acceptance is an important process with varying timelines. Understanding the stages of loss and grief, and allowing oneself adequate time to progress through these stages is important. Being compassionate and forgiving to oneself during the recovery process is also valuable.
  3. Focusing on the positives helps shift the mind to a healthier direction. A lot of thoughts go through one’s head during difficult times and it is easy to get stuck in a negative pool. If one can be conscious of this and find few things to be grateful and thankful for (redefine the “bad” in terms of potential “goods”), in spite of the difficulties, they help make a difference. The mindset can be important. Research from Carol Dweck of Stanford emphasizes the importance of having a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset.
  4. Having a helpful social support group, in the form of close friends, relatives, colleagues, professionals or individuals with a high emotional and spiritual quotient can make a huge difference. It helps for the closest support group to be available and present, sometimes just to be present with a listening ear or a hug (even virtually).
  5. Getting some momentum towards core areas of interest and meaningful impact is helpful.  It helps to move forward with a purpose, even in baby steps, whatever engages one’s mind with positive action. For me currently, focusing on completing this blog post, working with a friend on transitioning to a new blog page, helped to take my mind off difficult thoughts and focus on something meaningful for me.

These notes of course do not replace the need for professional support when needed and it is important to recognize when one feels the need, and act accordingly.

If we can reflect, learn and find our meaning from difficult life scenarios, we can grow stronger mentally, wiser, more compassionate towards ourselves and others in difficult environments.

Personal resilience is extremely important during difficult times.

How can you help build personal resilience and help individuals around you?

Life is precious. It helps to count our blessings and make a meaningful difference.  Wish you the best.

I also take this opportunity to thank the beautiful, generous souls near and far who have and are supporting me through difficult times. Thank you very much….

Suggested additional reading:
Life After Loss: Conquering Grief and Finding Hope by Raymond Moody and Dianne Arcangel (Book)

Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire. – Schindler’s List

Fundamental Question to Ask Yourself in Any Interaction

May 30, 2014 / / 0 Comments

We have all sensed, acted or reacted based on this and would think it makes sense, even if it may be unconscious during our interactions.  Most expert communicators and socially intelligent people have inherently known and used this approach.  Thanks to neuroscience research, the findings provide a solid reason to understand this.The fundamental question to ask yourself in any interaction:

AM I CREATING A “TOWARD” (APPROACH) STATE OR “AWAY” (AVOID) STATE IN MY INTERACTIONS?

This applies to any interaction in our world of work and personal relationships.

According to neuroscience studies:

  • Our brains are more tuned to picking up threats in the environment and the threat response is easily triggered.
  • It is easier to cause aggravation than it is to help other think rationally and creatively.
  • In the threat state, our brain is disengaged due to related activity and ‘noise’, resulting in reduced cognitive performance. There is also a high possibility of an “emotional hijack”. We also know that emotions are contagious and can spread.
  • The organizing, overarching principle of the brain is to minimize danger (threat state) and maximize rewards (towards state).
  • If a stimulus is associated with positive emotions, it will most likely lead to an approach response; if it is associated with negative emotions, it will lead to an avoid response.  From our experiences, we know that we naturally try to avoid uncomfortable interactions, situations or difficult people.
  • An approach response is synonymous with the idea of engagement and closely linked to positive emotions.

So next time you think about starting a conversation in person, over the phone or virtually, ask yourself: Do I want to create a “towards” (approach) state or an “away” (avoid) state? How can I create a “towards” state?

In the world around you, what percentage of “towards” state interactions vs. “away” state interactions do you notice?

Reference, Recommended Reading:
SCARF…, David Rock: http://www.your-brain-at-work.com/files/NLJ_SCARFUS.pdf

How Much of You Is Your Job Title or Position? Importance of Humility & Wisdom

May 23, 2014 / / 4 Comments

To my dear friends, colleagues and readers,

Here are some questions for you:

If you were to lose your important position, title or social status today,

  1. What would happen to you?
  2. How would you feel, behave?
  3. How would your existing relationships shift? How would they respond?

Many people in today’s world seem to lose touch with their authentic selves once they get used to the trappings of an important corporate job, title and perceived power. Humility goes down. Arrogance creeps in. Ego grows rapidly. Respect factor goes down. A feeling of invincibility kicks in.

One starts believing or over relying on one’s belief, status of positions and unconsciously start feeling that these will last forever.

Why does one need to reflect and be aware of the line between confidence and over confidence/arrogance?

Like most things in life, nothing lasts forever.  Life involves ups and downs, successes and challenges, pleasures and pains. Sometimes, unexpected shifts in one’s life can cause lots of pain, be humbling and bring one to reality that we are  all in fact mortal. They may come forth in the form of unexpected job challenges, health issues with self or loved ones, losing someone close, personal issues etc.

If most of your relationships are formed and defined around your perceived social status and not your authentic selves, it may be helpful to be prepared for surprises and pains when life starts to present difficult moments.

It is helpful to be in touch with one’s own authentic self and values.  When the rough times appear, this prepares one more to maneuver through, similar to an anchor that holds a ship stable in rough waters. In today’s socially networked world, corporate or social hierarchy does not necessarily indicate level of influence or impact. Therefore, it’s helpful to be aware of arrogant behavior and where that may or may not lead one to.

Letting go of the trappings even for a bit can be a refreshing experience and reality check for oneself and the world of relationships.

I think most of us go through similar scenarios as we progress in our careers and lives.  What is important is to build awareness, consciousness, learning and wisdom. This will help to navigate rough waters whenever they come next.

According to Professor Ursula Staudinger, a life span psychologist and professor at Columbia University, true personal wisdom involves five elements. They are self-insight; the ability to demonstrate personal growth; self-awareness in terms of your historical era and your family history; understanding that priorities and values, including your own, are not absolute; and an awareness of life’s ambiguities.

Wishing you humility, wisdom and true success in your journey.

Additional Suggested Reading: Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

A Decade of Cross Cultural Experiences in Four Fundamental Practices

February 24, 2014 / / 0 Comments

After spending over a decade of my life in Finland/Europe and the U.S., and having had the great opportunity to interact and work with talented individuals and leaders from various cultural backgrounds and journeys, I wanted to synthesize and share some of my key experiences and lessons in cross-cultural experiences.

Working and living across countries/cultures may present great opportunities and at the same time, they hold numerous challenges. The ability to work effectively with, lead and manage across cultures are competencies that are becoming very important in a world that continues to get smaller and closer, due to rapid advances in technology and social media. As glamorous as it may seem from a distance, adapting to and succeeding in a very different culture are not at all easy. Those who choose to be ignorant of this topic will lose great opportunities for personal and professional growth.

There’re numerous studies and research articles on this topic and some of my thinking has been influenced by them.

If you come to another’s turf with empathy, sensitivity and open ears – what the Zen masters call ‘beginner’s mind’ – you’re halfway home.
– Tom Peters

1. Respect
Being aware, sensitive to and noticing some of the key themes, norms and behaviors in a new environment constitute an important starting point. This can help one to understand how things work, life patterns flow and what is valued in that setting. Many of the norms would be very different from one’s own conditioning and would seem strange initially. Being respectful to individuals and cultural norms helps to adapt faster to any new environment. One would also need to be respectful of the differences and try to understand the background without being judgmental. There is a possibility of feeling disrespected or ignored, in some instances. Chances are that, not everyone in a different culture is aware of the nuances of your culture and interaction styles. Irrespective of how you feel initially, your mature approach and respectful presence can increase your acceptance, credibility and prevent you from getting stuck in a frustration zone.

2. Openness To New Experiences Without Judging
This is vital for making progress in a different cultural setting. Stephen Covey’s teaching, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” is a very useful advice to keep in mind while interacting with people from a different culture. It is useful to be aware of our own biases and that our biases and environmental conditioning may easily lead us into the questioning, judging, confusing and eventually distrusting zone.  Individuals from different backgrounds can look at the same scenario and perceive it very differently.  Categorizing something in your mind as superior or inferior, right or wrong, good or bad etc. will impact your own thinking ability and responses to situations and people.  Open communication with authenticity is fundamental to avoiding misunderstandings. During initial stages of interactions, it’s useful to explain the reason behind doing or asking for something that impacts others, and clarifying the same with others without creating a ‘threat’ state, when there are questions in your mind. This avoids confusion, especially in the initial stages of relationship building.

3. Flexibility
As mentioned earlier, I realized that my own way of seeing a topic was very different from how others from a different background related to the same topic.  Being flexible relates to building self-awareness and using that awareness effectively to understand and manage through various scenarios.  This would also mean shifting/stretching ways of thinking and adjusting/ changing one’s own approaches.  Taking the responsibility to tackle an unpleasant situation with maturity and emotional intelligence requires a lot of flexibility, to flex one’s own thinking frames. It’s very useful to have a positive ‘forgiving’ and ‘forgetful/let go’ attitude with unpleasant experiences, while being aware of one’s own learning.  Very seldom does anyone win an argument of being right or wrong.  ‘Co-regulation’ beyond ‘self-regulation’ is very helpful.  Vicious responses only result in cycles of vicious interactions and stress, which take the relationships further into the red zone.  On the other hand, not engaging in a proactive, positive conversation results in increasing distance.

4. Coping with the unknown and fear of failure
There’re a lot of unknowns in a new environment. Finding information through formal and informal channels and making personal connections are very helpful to put one at ease initially. One has to also find relevant ways to accept, understand and cope with stress related to uncertainties of the new environment. It generally will take a certain amount of time before adjusting and feeling comfortable in a different cultural environment.  Patience is fundamental to work through times of frustration, disappointment and negativity.  It may not be uncharacteristic to go through a feeling of ‘being lost’ at times.  It is really important to find one’s own support from ‘comfort zones’, secure bases and ‘connections’ in those situations.

It is helpful to be prepared for mistakes and misunderstandings along the way. Fear of failure can inhibit people from experimenting or experiencing new things, which reduce the impact of the cultural experience, knowledge and personal development. The normal tendency might be to stay within one’s own comfort zones most of the time.

According to a leading expert in this field Fons Trompenaars,

“We need a certain amount of humility and a sense of humor to discover cultures other than our own; a readiness to enter a room in the dark and stumble over unfamiliar furniture until the pain in our shins reminds us of where things are.”

Your willingness and openness to step into the new world can take you to a totally new dimension of personal growth, deep connections and confidence.  Enjoy the journey.  Best wishes…

Please share your valuable learning and experiences!

Note:  The topic of ‘culture’ can be reviewed at different levels or frames.  I’ve tried to focus on the country culture aspect here.  Some of these practices can be useful in working through other aspects, like organizational culture differences.

Few Notes of Wisdom for Reflection from ‘How Will You Measure Your Life?’ (Book by Clayton M. Christensen, James Allworth, Karen Dillon)

September 18, 2013 / / 0 Comments

  • Solving the challenges in your life requires a deep understanding of what causes what to happen.
  • “The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.  Don’t settle.  As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” – Steve Jobs
  • Too many of us who start down the path of compromise will never make it back.
  • What’s most important to you in your career?
  • Problem is that what we think matters most in our jobs often doesn’t align with what will really make us happy.
  • Good intentions are not enough…spend your resources consistent with your intentions.
  • The opposite of job dissatisfaction isn’t job satisfaction, but rather an absence of job dissatisfaction.

Notes from the book ‘Life Strategies’ by Phillip McGraw

December 31, 2010 / / 0 Comments

Recently completed reading “Life Strategies” by Phillip McGraw. Sharing some of my notes.

  • Ask yourself: Do you really have a strategy in your life, or are you just reactively going from day to day, taking what comes?
  • Problems and challenges almost never resolve themselves; they don’t get better with inattention.
  • Forget about being right or winning the argument about who is right. If what you’re doing is not working, change it.
  • Sometimes, the hardest part in learning something new is unlearning the old way of doing it.
  • You are accountable for your life…If you don’t accept accountability, you will misdiagnose every problem you have…By convincing yourself that you are a victim, you are guaranteed to have no progress, no healing and no victory.
  • Bottom line: You are not a victim. You are creating the situations you are in; you are creating the emotions that flow from those situations…You must be willing to move your position, and, however difficult or unusual it may seem, embrace the fact that you own the problem.
  • It is at the very core of human nature to blame other people; it is fundamental self preservation to try to escape accountability.
  • The bad news is that the burden is on you. The good news is that the choice is yours.
  • Abstract thoughts have the power to produce tangible and dramatic physiological events…Your physiology determines your energy and action level.
  • Our most active and consistent dialogue is the conversation we have with ourselves.
    The principle of reciprocity simply says that “you get what you give.” The manner, style and level you use to engage people will determine how they respond to you.
  • Break out of your habitual doldrums. Climb out of that rut and look around…The longer you have been trapped in an irrational and painful lifestyle, the harder it is to create a new one.
  • Knowing what you need to know and knowing how to do it are two very different things.
  • If you won’t take ownership of your role in a situation-then you cannot and will not change it.
  • Denial, is what kills dreams. It kills hope.
  • You can know a hundredfold today than you knew a week ago, but if you don’t do anything about it, you aren’t any more effective than you were last week, in your unenlightened state..Life rewards action.
  • Lives move by trends and momentum…If you begin to do different things,..your actions will gain momentum.
  • Choose to give yourself the chance. It’s normal to be anxious and afraid, but you can’t be dominated by the fear.
  • Identify the filters through which you view the world. Acknowledge your history without being controlled by it..If you continue to view the world through a filter created by past events, then you are allowing your past to control and dictate both your present and your future…You are undeniably accountable for how you react to it ‘now’.
  • Get to know your limiting beliefs so well that if one begins to show even a hint of its presence, alarms will go off and you will counteract it.
  • Simply put, never in your life are you without problems and challenges.
  • Long established fact of psychological functioning is that it is not so much the particular circumstance that upsets the person involved, as it is the violation of his or her expectations.
  • You shape the behavior of those with whom you interact.
  • Don’t give in to your negative momentum. Require more of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and behaviorally.
  • You are your number one worldly resource. Manage it and manage it well.

Best wishes for a happy 2011.

Important Common Truths from ‘Life Strategies’

December 4, 2010 / / 0 Comments

I’m currently reading the book Life Strategies by Dr. Phil McGraw. Thought this would be useful food for thought:

“The ten most significant common characteristics fundamental to human functioning I have identified are:

  1. The number-one fear among all people is rejection.
  2. The number-one need among all people is acceptance.
  3. To manage people effectively, you must do it in a way that protects or enhances their self-esteem.
  4. Everybody approaches every situation with at least some concern about “What’s in it for me?”
  5. Everybody prefers to talk about things that are important to them personally.
  6. People hear and incorporate only what they understand.
  7. People like trust, and believe those who like them.
  8. People often do things for other than the apparent reasons.
  9. Even people of quality, can be, and often are, petty and small.
  10. Everybody wears a social mask. You must look beyond the mask to see the person.”
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